Nothings Goes Better with Turkey than Civility!

As we head into the holidays, many of us will be spending time with family and friends. Whether on duty or off duty holiday gatherings can become challenging,  especially right after the election and so many worldly events happening. Change your thinking, and your feelings will follow right behind.

Be Yourself. Instead of trying to be who you think you “should” be with your family, friends, co-workers, just relax and be yourself! We put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, impress people or say the things we think others want to hear. When we let go of people pleasing we’re able to be true to ourselves.

What you say and how you say it. The recent election seems to be dominating many conversations. If someone asks how you voted, or how you feel about the election outcome, remember, you don’t have to answer. Voting can be a very private and a personal decision, so it’s up to you if you wish to share details about who you voted for or even your political affiliation.

If you feel the need to respond you can simply say, “ Sam, I tend to keep my political opinions to myself.” Nothing more needs to be said.

Here are some things to help maintain civility:

Do’s

• Take charge of seating. Set the table for success by separating conflicting personalities. Set the conspirators near you so you can put out fires and guide the conversation.
• Ask others about their lives. Do not talk about yourself extensively.
• Give kids responsibilities, but then turn them loose. Kids simply are not going to enjoy being trapped at a table for long periods of time. They often get restless and whiny. It is OK if they run off after trying most of the foods. Do not turn it into a battle. Have something for them to do after the meal.

Don’ts

• Do not talk politics or bring up other “hot topics.” Often the urge is to help family members “understand” your position or understand why their position is irrational and wrong. Too often, this ends with slamming doors and someone crying in the car.
• Do not be sarcastic, critical or give subtle jabs. These can cause emotions to escalate quickly, and feelings can get hurt.
• Do not try to fix each other’s problems over one meal. Also, do not discuss the problems of other family/department members who are not there. The Thanksgiving meal is not the time to suggest someone get out of a relationship, sell a house, be a better parent, or start exercising.
• Do not take things personally. Some family members are “pricklier” than others but choose not to get defensive. If someone does start fishing for a reaction, do not take the hook.

“Words can either encourage or discourage. Choose words of encouragement.”

Most importantly, remind yourself why you are doing this. You love your family & friends, and remember: People are More Important than Problems!

Sam DiGiovanna is a 40-year fire service veteran. He started with the Los Angeles County Fire Department, served as Fire Chief at the Monrovia Fire Department, and currently serves as Chief at the Verdugo Fire Academy in Glendale. He also is Associate Director for the California Training Officers Association and a consultant for www.Lexipol.com