Lead By Example

Is Your Ego Being Honest with You or Are You Being Honest with Your Ego?

The recent Presidential debate on June 27th, 2024, was a complete embarrassment to our nation. Watching a former and current President slinging insults, lies, boasting, tearing each other down while boasting who is a better golfer. This was a Presidential debate to become the Commander in Chief for one of the world’s most powerful nations.

In my opinion, they both failed us all in the name of ego and power.

Are You Honest with Your Ego?

Why do some people act this way? One reason is because they think it makes them better than other people. In other words, if you tear everyone else down, who is left standing? You are–and it makes you feel superior to everyone else. Behind this is pride–the kind of pride that says, “I am better than you are.”

This attitude is wrong, not only in the eyes of other people but also in the eyes of God. The Bible warns, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18).

Public safety is no stranger to this behavior. I see the same power and ego in public safety. In fact, I have talked with personnel from many agencies that are experiencing an ego crisis in their agency.

Police1 recently published an article on Strategies to keep your ego in check. The blinking neon sign of someone with an inflated ego is easy to identify. “The rules don’t apply to me” and “Do as I say, not as I do” are some of the common attitudes they display. While not all issues associated with ego or insecurity result in criminal acts or scandals, a leader’s uncontrolled ego can cause an inefficient, ineffective, unsafe and possibly toxic work environment. The earlier a supervisor recognizes and addresses their issues with ego, the better chance they have to develop strategies to keep their ego in check.

“If you want to test a man’s character, give him power” – Abraham Lincoln

Here are five tips to help supervisors become humble, confident and influential leaders:

• Find a mentor or coach: At times, we all need help accomplishing our goals. A good mentor or coach can be one answer to winning the war against ego. While often intermingled, a mentor and a coach have different roles. A mentor is an experienced person who provides career guidance and advice. The mentor has stepped on the “landmines” and can now show you how to go around them. An executive coach does not provide the answers; they help their clients reach their own conclusions through encouragement in an inspirational process. Executive coaches are used with much success in the corporate world. Law enforcement agencies are slowly starting to warm to the idea of employing external coaches.
• Develop self-awareness: Self-awareness – the process of becoming aware of one’s motivations, desires and feelings – can be a powerful tool used to recognize and defeat an inflated ego. When we see ourselves clearly, we are more confident, have stronger relationships and communicate effectively. There is also an external component of self-awareness: recognizing and understanding how others see us.
• To explain this concept, I often use the analogy, “Is the person you see in the mirror every day the same person everyone else sees.” Supervisors with egos see themselves differently than their peers and employees do, which causes friction and, eventually, a strained working environment. A self-aware person leaves behind all the pretentiousness and ego which is associated with bad leadership. They can build meaningful relationships based on trust, one of the main pillars of good leadership.
• One method to gain self-awareness is to ask yourself “what” questions instead of “why” questions. “Why” questions tend to concentrate on the negative and are based on emotion: “Why do my personnel not respect me?” In contrast, “what” questions are objective and focused: “What are the factors causing my personnel not to respect me?” So next time you encounter a leadership issue, ask the “what” questions to arrive at actionable solutions rather than continue down a path of hurt emotions and bruised egos by using the “why.”
• Practice an “it’s not about me” philosophy: Selfishness is a trait associated with people possessing large egos. A positive leadership technique used to overcome the selfish elements of ego is to prioritize your people over yourself by simply following this mantra: It is not about me. If you have difficulty remembering the phrase, use “post-it” notes, write it on a whiteboard, make a sign, or wear a wristband with the words on it. The slogan constantly reminds you that your job as a leader is not about personal accomplishments. As a supervisor and leader, you are in the “people business.” The more time you spend thinking about the needs of your personnel, the less time you will spend on selfish pursuits. Following this technique is an excellent way to gain your officer’s trust and quickly establish a positive work culture.
• Read and research: History is filled with cautionary tales where leaders let their hubris overcome their common sense with disastrous results. It is incumbent upon police supervisors to study past leaders from any field of study and not replicate their mistakes. It does not matter if the leader is a famous politician, military general, or well-known corporate figure. The lessons are the same; an unchecked ego eventually leads to failure. There are also many books and articles devoted to overcoming one’s ego or others that provide instruction on improving or developing self-awareness. If you are not a reader, YouTube is filled with academics and experts providing instruction on suppressing your ego and developing self-awareness.
• Lead by example: Being accountable is another tactic used to overcome ego. Leading by example is the ultimate test of accountability. Your actions and demeanor speak louder than words when you lead by example. Leaders who follow this philosophy are inspirational and build motivated confident teams. You are setting the “standard” for others to follow. Deviation from those standards will cause your officers to do the same. Dissension and discord among your officers will be sure to follow. However, maintaining the standard is a great way to keep your ego in check while building trust and gaining the loyalty of your people.

Full Article: binged.it/3XRh3J0

“With great power comes great responsibility.” It’s important to keep your ego in check. Psychology today reports that we defend the ego through argument, criticism, sarcasm, and coercion. We criticize and otherwise devalue others when offended by their actions or inactions. When the ego feels threatened, the primary behavioral goal is to defend it with a stern offense (attack or counterattack), irrespective of truth and fairness. When the ego feels threatened, facts are either weaponized or disregarded.

Ego Defense vs. Disagreement:

Disagreement is respectful, with the goal of negotiation to gain cooperation. Negotiation is hopeful when the outcome of cooperation will benefit both parties, at least in the long run.

Ego defense is disrespectful, self-righteous, or punitive, with the goal of gaining submission to one partner’s presumably greater intelligence, insight, analysis, intuition, virtue, and so on.

Ego Defense and Self-Value:

Self-value is like self-esteem but different in important ways. Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves. Self-value is more behavioral; it is how we treat ourselves.

How to Transcend Ego Defense:

To maintain hope and positive meaning:

• Stay true to humane values.
• Eliminate negative labels.
• Reserve judgment; be more curious than judgmental.

When interacting with others:

• Show respect.
• Argue to learn, not to win.
• Focus on behaviors or ideas, not character.

When we practice the above, ego defense is unnecessary. The urge to defend the ego yields to a more compelling desire to feel authentic and hopeful.

Full Article: binged.it/3zoQJfh

Sam DiGiovanna is a 40-year fire service veteran. He started with the Los Angeles County Fire Department, served as Fire Chief at the Monrovia Fire Department, and currently serves as Chief at the Verdugo Fire Academy in Glendale. He also is Associate Director for the California Training Officers Association and a consultant for www.Lexipol.com