By Fire Chief Sam DiGiovanna
Isn’t it funny how our number one fear in life is rejection, but we love attention, crave affection and dream of being perfect. The truth of the matter is, to get the attention, affection and perfectionism, we need to learn to love rejection. Without it you can’t have the rest.
Now that Valentine’s Day has passed and you’ve gone the extra mile to give more of yourself to the loved ones around you, why not give yourself a little self-love? Even during those times of rejection, turn them into self-acceptance!
As long as you’re alive, you can’t escape rejection. But you can learn to love it (or at the least not fear it). Since rejection is a part of life and you can’t avoid it, why not learn to love it?
The fear of rejection doesn’t have to be permanent. You can look at it as a simple opportunity for growth while not attaching yourself to it (taking it personally). But it does require a little reprogramming of your mindset. Here’s how:
- When faced with a challenge, what does your ‘self talk’ say? “I’m not good enough, I’ll never make it, I’ve always been this way. Don’t let your ‘story’ or negative self-talk sabotage and stop you.
- Remember, your anxieties and worries aren’t accurate or real. They are a story, or a “sentence” developed and imposed by you. This story or sentenced likely developed at an early age. By confronting your irrational doubts and acknowledging they are a story you created, you remove their power.
- What and whom do you fear? Remember, ‘today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.’ Who and why do you give power to reject you? Elanor Roosevelt said it best “no one can make you feel inferior unless you give them consent.”
- Stay present and in the moment. Keep your perspective. Stop thinking too far ahead. Most of us are ‘meaning making machines’ but remember “nothing means nothing, unless you add the meaning to it.” We all tell ourselves stories from our past (not real, only perceived) and then we make them up into something they’re not!
- The old saying “no matter what game you’re playing in life, your winning” is true. So, remember, it’s just a game and you chose to make it up – it’s yours. Change the game to benefit you! Always be at your best but approach the situation as fun and a learning experience. Knowing this will help calm you down.
- Choice! Choose to be courageous as opposed to being fearful. Whether it’s public speaking, a job interview, called to the boss’s office, etc relax. You have power and you have choice. Exercise them!
- Learn not to catch the ball. Every time someone throws you a negative comment, look or attitude, you don’t have to catch it. Our propensity is to catch everything tossed our way. Next time drop it and walk away. No need to catch it and take it personal, it has “nothing” to do with you unless you make it mean something.
The fear of rejection is based on the desire for approval from other people. Don’t base your self-worth or esteem on their opinions. Don’t look at rejection as failure. It’s as an opportunity and by exercising the opportunities, you’ll see how the attention, affection, and confidence you desire begin showing up in your life.
Sam DiGiovanna is a 35 – year fire service veteran. He started with the Los Angeles County Fire Department, served as Fire Chief at the Monrovia Fire Department and currently serves as Chief at the Verdugo Fire Academy in Glendale Ca. He is also a consultant for Lexipol www.Lexipol.com & Cordico www.Cordico.com